Friday, June 10, 2011

No Commitment


I have often told people i m not ur long term relationship guy, no dont get me wrong i m not ur one nighter either. I have heard that most guys are commitment phobic and most guys stray. Now i cant speak for everyone but myself. Lately i had my Satori moment ( a Zen term refering to a sudden flash of insight) with respect to why i m not into the idea of a long term relationship. I will use maths to explain my point of view because believe me, maths as a language is more economical and precise in any form of communication so here we go .....
Hapiness in any relationship, henceforth refered to H(x,t.....) is 
H(x,t...) = A(x,t....) - B(x,t......)
A is the hapiness we derive from the stuff we want from any relationship 
B is the discomfort we derive from the stuff we don’t want in a relationship
Clealy both are a function of time, physical distance between the two parties, their personal preferences.......
Mind you i m not accounting personal, social, religious beliefs because they change very slowly wrt time and in most cases are not an issue in an ongoing relationship. Also discount the windfall effect, sumthing that happens very suddenly, an accident, fatal loss in business......
For a guy the fuction A .... dimishes with increasing time .... We do need a lot of physical love and affection (mind u i aint saying sex, we need more than that) and that decreases with time both in terms of novelty and intent from the other side. The loss of intent is often termed as “taking for granted”. One sentence defines it all “hamain har cheese ki aadat par jaati hai”. 
The other most important thing for us is ....we want the women to cheer us, no matter how many times we fail we want the women in our lives to support us in mind and in spirit. For a man to be sucessful the women in his life has to believe more than him that he will be successful, I find this to be the rarest trait in the world. Also here is a clash of interest. A women has only a decade to choose her match, a guy who she will spend the rest of her life with, hence she cant wait for u to keep failing ...she has to abandon her ship and get to greener pastures. Thus this becomes the biggest bain in a romantic relationship, no matter who ur as a guy, a girl will always find sumone who atleast “appears” to be a better prospect. And no matter how hot a chic is, a guy will always find a chic more desirable than she is. In the second case (hotter chic) it is a bottomless cup really (my satori moment), a loop one can’t get out of ....no man has ever fucked enough women. The only way out is to not get in. If one women can’t satisfy you 50 cannot either. For a girl who 6 months in a relationship thinks her guy is a loser, is really a dumb ass. He was not a loser b4 u came to his life and now he is ...who is to blame ? It is my firm belief that a women who believes in a man and never waver in her belief will eventually turn the frog into a prince and hence become a princess herself! She doesnt have to push him, non verbal communication is the most powerful form (95% of all communication happen non-verbally). You have to believe it to see it, true for all great turnarounds in life, in personality and in sports !  
Thus my biggest hurdle is, I am too important to risk being demoralized seeing myself as a non achiever in some dumb ass blonde’s eyes. I would rather have no influence than bad influence. I know who i m and anyone else who thinks there is a better guy out there need to go into that guy’s life.
B is mostly the girlie stuff we hate....all of them increasing with time. 
Thus, there will be a time when H is negative and consistently negative for months, a relationship that dwells there, is bound to end. So it is in the interest of both parties to keep H positive and while increasing A might not always be feasible, keeping B in check is always an option for both the parties. We know the stuff the other person hates right ? So just dont do it , if u care enuf or else ...buzz off !
My problem with a long term relationship is the underlined excerpt, primarily. I ain’t putting my future at risk for companionship. I would rather be alone than have a chic who will neg me for a “better” sumone else. 
Second, I do believe women are a distraction, they need too much time and attention. I dont mind talking on a daily basis but that can’t be forced. There is more to my life than making a girl feel good about herself every evening. Most chics have that as their number one priority, evening dinners, drives, movies, clubbing, phone chat... all are feel-good activities. I love to do it but only when i m not PROFESSIONALLY busy. When i am professionally busy, shut the fuck up! There is more to my life than feeling good.
As a yogic literature put it “bhojan, needra aur maithun(sex) to ek kuttay ko bhi prapt ho jaata hai”. I do believe my life has a bigger purpose. Only those who believe the same, for my life and their life, are welcome in my world. I put my professional life ahead of my personal life, always have, always will. Unless i fulfill my professional goal there is no way in heaven that i will work for personal goals!    
P.S. The tense might be all over the place, excuse me for lack of punctuation and long complex sentences.