2010...One of the best ever

Okies when have i felt so good about an year . 2003 ...because i cleared JEE, but it was expected, didn't really come as a surprise or a twist. On the contrary I was bit sad about the Rank. 2007, well we won the BRCA trophy and managed to get my B.Tech without extending my degree, thanks largely to Mailinie Johar (hopefully i have spelt it right) without whom i don't know if i would have cleared my final year, it takes lot of motivation in your final semester. Luckily she always kept up the heat and that is all i needed. The final year had it's share of failures too and well they teach you more than success don't they ? So yeah learned a little bit about myself. It probably was coming of age year for me. The lessons were delivered in a package that will not be forgiven or forgotten.  

Coming back to 2010. I don't remember what i was doing on 31st of last year , no i didn't make any new year resolution. I remember i was back from L.A and probably pitching for Time Nahin hai and till march nothing happened. In the meantime i attended the first wedding of my life. Well that was an experience, i am not too keen on attending weddings anymore the romance in the air kindda gets to you i guess, or is it just me ?  Well cut a long story short , till July of 2010 it was one bad news after another. I guess my life did take a turn on my last b,day. It was a jolt i guess, did shake me up a little bit and luck changed. Started my first film on 14th august wrapped the shooting on 4th.  Fell out of love and into it and out again and into it and out again, in short 'glad to be single' !! Uff m i exaggerating ? were they flings or infatuation, who cares!!! 

I hope and i wish 2011 is as good as 2010, it was a roller-coaster ride, it was bitter sweet and i like it that way especially if both the emotions were that extreme. I now firmly believe whatever happens happens for the good and it couldn't have happened any other way. Anyways as on 1st Jan 2011 this is all i have to say " It is 7am in the morning, i m watching this crime - comedy and i love it, just cooked a perfect chai for me and while sipping it at the balcony, i look at the beautiful morning and the hills infront and this is all i say LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.........  "

The song for the year is " दुनिया  सजी  तेरे  लिए,  खुद को  ज़रा  पहचान  तू ..........

When in doubt, trust your instinct

They say 95% of all communication happens non-verbally. Blink is a book that really brought the whole idea of trusting your instinct to the mainstream. All it says is that we instinctively judge people when we meet them, the body reads micro expressions. For example when you see a beautiful girl/boy you instinctively have your eyes flashing because you want to see them more closely and hence your eyes open more than it’s usual self to let more light come in. You could always tell when someone looked at you and you knew it was not just a casual glance, you knew you were looking good! The book had an entire chapter on facial muscles and how they function in order to non-verbally communicate what the other person is not telling you. After reading this book I got all the more convinced that there is an inner voice that tells you all along to fight or flight. This voice has since centuries been a guiding light. Only the modern day has made us ignore this voice. The reference to this inner voice is found in many other genres too. While casually reading about hypnosis or some other meta physics books you hear about this voice. Ofcourse the Yogic literature will call it the antaraatma ki aawaaz, one book by a psychic referred to it as the voice of the guardian angel. Let these guys fight over what to call it. For me it is your first instinct. So the first time you meet a person or an event unfolds you immediately form an opinion. Only later we try to rationalize that opinion or change it based on newer facts. Mostly these newer facts are verbal communication either by the party or by others and herein lies the catch, verbal communication can easily be a lie/manipulation. While some people master the art of lying and become good at it some of the tactics employed are (these are all verbal communication).

1:) Rhetoric: They repeat a lie so many times it becomes a fact. Mostly employed by the media or car salesman or people who are naturally inclined to be communicators or people who are propaganda machines. You shouldn’t have trouble spotting them. Just hear them rattling about people they don’t like, gosh, they won’t stop. It has become such a second nature to them that they sound like a used car salesman.

2:) Half Truth: People who are master editors, these guys will edit out what they think you shouldn’t hear. We all do it. Hence the saying “there are three sides to a story, my side, his side and the right side”. This is a tough one to spot because of lack of information. The way to overcome this problem is to ask as many questions as you can. It makes them uncomfortable and often you hear them complain that you don’t trust them, or they don’t believe in clarifications or you don’t understand them and if the person is really skilled they fight your questions with tears!

There are other ways of lying, i ain’t the smartest kid around the block and this ain’t an article about detecting a lie. This ain’t a sermon or a post to tell you how skillful i am. All this built up is to narrate a small incident. 

I am sitting in a birthday celebration with a bunch of guys and a girl. Everyone is being introduced to everyone else. The guys are all geeks, dressed shabbily. This is an after-dinner gathering in a famed hotel. The girl is two drinks down, little tipsy. The girl meets this one guy and says “i have seen you somewhere”. This was such a cliche that nobody uses it anymore, unless they genuinely mean it. The guy is as nerdy as a nerd can be. He says “i don’t think so, where”. I have my back to the girl she says “i don’t know but i think i have seen you many times, probably near my college or in a party”. Clearly this chap has no time to roam around in the iit campus let alone some other place. everybody else starts teasing him, the chap has no idea what is going on. the girl says it the third time “no i have really seen you somewhere”. During this entire conversation i have my back to the girl so all I heard was the voiceover. The third time around this inner voice told me it was a flirt for sure. Now whether it was flirting or a genuine query i will never know but then the first instinct told me it was a flirt and I believed it, didn’t ask anyone because that might be a noise in the data, who wants a verbal opinion. Well the topic was lost in other conversation. The guy was not smart enough or in the mood to flirt or whatever, but he didn’t play along. He should have prolonged the conversation, a filler bet may be, should have named a random girl and cooked up a story. May be she had seen him with this “random name” chic, anything to keep the conversation going. If the girl played along you know what it was. But alas reality is so boring they didn’t hit it off. I went home believing what I had to believe. So now i am thinking even if you don’t see, touch a person you can still instinctively tell what is going on. Probably there is an inner filter that reads voice modulation and tell you what it was. Evolution-wise this makes perfect sense you can sense a dangerous animal by it’s sound (larger the animal more base in it’s voice, generally speaking) and may be you can sense intention by just hearing a recording of a conversation. Anyone knows any book that has some research on the topic please let me know. 

Also i will not be surprised if the tense in the above post is all over the place grammer was never my forte.          

Beginning Of Post Production

I wrapped up shooting on the 4th of Sept. Had an after-shoot bash at a pub in delhi, it is by far the best party i have attended. It was all about us. We all danced, it is so funny to see people dance like they do, in real life they have a different personality. Fazal, my associate, rocked the floor, Matty was his usual dancer self. However the show belonged to Ravi Sarin and my DP Sethu Sriram. These guys when drunk and on dance floor are awesome. I took a small break to say thank you and wish my luck to my lead actress, hadn't had a chance, she was with the second unit. She has truly been god's gift. Not only she is incredibly talented but she is also a great person, her performance was spot on and she blended well with the crew. So had to thank her. It is kindda emotional when you pack up your first film. It is like returning from the war zone with your buddies, limbs intact (when the producers are good) and you know life will take everyone to different directions so you need to say few things and that must be said. Returned to the floor and now the music was better, to my taste, so danced like crazy. Finally everyone left, Ravi Sarin had tears in his eyes when leaving, but i was the most emotional one, no i wasn't drunk and no tears in my eyes. I was just relaxed, happy and sad that the film shoot ended.

4th Sept evening. As i rolled the last shot of the film the making camera was rolling and it captured me saying PACK UPPPPPPPP.......it was hugs all around ....I thanked everyone in the team for being part of my film. Yes they get paid, yes they are subservient to a Director's wishes but for me they are not employees who i have helped hire. For me they are my partners in the creative quest for making our movie. Incidentally we became the first film unit to shoot in Red Fort at night, you don't get to shoot in any ASI monument after sunset. Also i worked hard at ensuring that my film set doesn't become a blame game spot as is so common on a film set. Thanked the crew and came home. The last 20 days had went by in a flash. Each day had it's own problems, the rains did play spoil sport but they also knew when to go away. My DP told me I am a lucky guy, especially with the rains.

It was me and Ashish hugging, together we have launched each other, it is beyond our wildest dreams. It has always been his idea, i did not have the audacity to think it was possible but he said it was, i trusted him like I have always done. So we had a quiet word, Thank you is a small word so nobody said it. I had to make sure that I did justice to the faith he had put in me as an actor and most important as a Producer. It is not his money but money borrowed from friends and relatives and that means it is a huge responsibility on me to do more than my best to make the film as well as I can. So that when I hand him the print of the film after Edit, Music, Sound Design and D.I. and say "Thank You, for the opportunity.........". He is proud of me for what i have done, until that day I guess I will always have nightmares about something going wrong at the shoot and wake up worried, as is happening to me every second day. One person I could not thank that day was Sarika, Ashish's wife. She had opened her house and heart for me. Staying at their place I never felt like I was away from home. A lady who ensures that, is a gem and is a mother figure for me. It has been Ashish's movie all along, he was my writing partner for this film, lead actor and the producer, more than that he was the guy who thought it was possible. It was his vision, I was merely the guy who ran with it. I highjacked the movie from him when we went on the floor and will hand it to him again after the edit and get out of the way. That will be my day to say Thank You, on the 4th was merely me thanking the Actor Ashish for being a part of my film and going through the emotional roller-coaster ride.

As i look back i remember the day when Manish, my E.P said he hadn't seen any film unit work as fast as we did the day we shot at Red Fort. Why am i hearing it ? It was not me who did it...it was Ads, the lightmen and the camera unit. I was not a factor but yes i was not a hindrance. So felt proud of the team we have got. I also remember the day we completed the last shot at the Dhingra's Farmhouse, man was i relieved! I will never be able to thank my producers enough for not talking to me about it. I was already aware of the difficulty they were facing. But to be fair to me i couldn't speed it up any more. I was squeezing my unit as much as I could. I am yet to thank Manav for taking me to Coffee and Dinner every night after shoot, it was hugely relaxing, to know your Producers have your back when you are on the floor.

I think the D.P plays a huge role in making the film, in a sense he becomes a partner in crime, he doesn't know the story and i don't know the visual so we help each other in the warzone often fighting, often arguing but we are both serving the story. As i have a responsibility to server my Producers and make the best film i can, it is his responsibility to give me, on film, what i have in my mind. To make matters worse even i am not always sure what i want, so he has to convince me against my wishes, sometimes, and give me what i want. He is smart enough to know that I will be a hindrance in that process, sometimes, but will thank him at the edit floor, I am thanking him already on the edit floor. I wish I could say the same for myself, that my producers will thank me when they screen the film that i have given them. What a day that will be when I will look Ashish in his eyes and say "It was your vision and it is my pleasure to give it you wayyyy better than you had imagined, if you are the guy who has the audacity to envision it I am the guy who can match that audacity by my delivery" Until the day i am able to say it I will be cranky, stressed and prone to nightmares.

But so far i have loved it, people have generally said good things about the promos and the way I have run my sets. I believe in 360 degree feedback, most of them good and some of them bad. I am working on the bad stuff after selecting what needs to be worked upon. No i will not treat actors shabbily on my sets no matter who they are and yes people in the crew who don't know how to do their jobs and don't learn it and to top it up they tell me they are answerable to higher authorities will always be treated as shit. When it is MY SET IT IS "MY" SET anyone who believes otherwise will see the worst side of me and man it is ugly!!!

I will also need to say thank you to Matty and it will be as elaborate as I have to say to Ashish, waiting for the right time.

Directing .........

Just off my shoot. A lot to work on. It is surprising to see so few people understand story. Thankfully I have a D.P. who listens to what i have to say , it helps that one of his close friend a big Tamil Film Director likes my script a lot and hence my D.P thinks highly of me.

Directed Mr Tom Alters today. Am I on cloud nine ? Yes absolutely!
Had a lot of conversation with him today, about Films, TV, Actors, Directors and stuff like that between takes and I am not the guy who hangs out with actors on my set. Thankfully we packed up early today and will watch Dailies today lets see how it looks.

1st Feature Length Film : Day 1 : With Love, Delhi!

Hey Guys

Finally, it begins!

It feels like your life going in slow-motion, background noise blurred, as I walk home through the roads of Kalkaji an evening before Day 1. The team of A.Ds and P.As working day and night for a week to make it come to reality. I walk with a swagger, I can't fail, not because of my own failings, it is not about me any more. I am not me, I am more than me, many people have put their dreams in my hand. I have a moral responsibility towards my actors who are being launched, or whose reputation is at stake (Mr Tom Alter, Seema Biswasji and Mr. Kiran Kumar). I have a moral responsibility towards my producers who have gone through the grind to raise money. I have a moral responsibility towards my Executive Producer who is 120 films old, handles almost (80%) all Bollywood Films shot in Delhi and has agreed to work in my film because he thinks (his assistant tells me) we have a future. He says he has met too many people to distinguish between the glitter and the gold. He is working full time for a fraction of what he usually makes.

On Day 1 : I walk on the sets, the Cameraman (DOP) agrees to do a long handheld which is very difficult because he has to carry a heavy camera on his shoulders and walk. He does it, first thing in the morning, without suggesting me any modifications and he has shot "Wanted" and lot of other big names. The Sound and Light guys are all very co operative (it comes as a huge bonus that i speak Bangla). My Associate Director works for Ajay Devgan, has been an associate for Rohit Shetty and Mr Devgan. He is very cooperative and does whatever it takes to get things done. They treat me as a guy who knows his job. It doesn't feel larger than life at all, being a Director and all. Yes there are 60 - 70 people who will do whatever I ask them to but it doesn't feel larger than life. Luckily there were always more than 10 people who would do whatever i advised them to and that is what I do, I advise.  When the actor and the actress do well in their shots it feels so good, every costume that makes them look better than who they are makes you so happy for them. Yes you love your actors, for when they click you feel like a proud parent. Yes i felt the same way when I directed Street Play for Rendezvous 2005. Felt the same connection today. It is the same connection that makes me so happy today.

Before today i wanted to make this film, to start my journey, but after today I start my journey again not to start my journey but to start the journey of my Lead Actor, Lead Actress, Assistants and P.As. I pray to god (and i don't normally do that) to give me the wisdom to make this film a success, not because I want to be successful (I don't need God for that I am capable myself) but because I want my Actors to be successful. I want every actor who works in my film to be proud of his work. They will not be proud unless I succeed. When you bring food on the table for your family you cannot come home empty handed.

I ended the day thanking everyone who chose to be a part of my film. Will do whatever it takes to gain their trust and respect. I was not born to be a Director I am born to be the Best Director there ever was and I am on that quest. Will be walking the path with the same gutso and enthusiasm with which i have walked on my quest to personal glory in colleges.      

Couldn't talk to Mom and Dad, they were visiting NASA. Had a chat with my chacha and he was proud. He told me, my brother (i hate the word cousin) was representing West Zone (Mumbai, Maharastra, Gujrat, Swarastra, Goa) in Under 16 Cricket and is off to Mihali. So i m doubly happy.