Life Is Beautiful

Wow..... 8th July will indeed go down in my history as a historic day, saddest day of my life, can't share it here or with anyone. Blogged so that i remember the date and my feelings. 


The most shocking news come to us unannounced, it not anything like in the movies, there is no heightened emotional impact so to say. It just hits u and u don;t even know what part of it has hit u. You just become numb. 


Life is complicated. I know i m blabbering ..... Don't want to write more..... can hear my mom weeping in the drawing room.  

The Last Samurai 

Let me clear it at the onset, I admire everything about Japan minus sushi, can't think of eating fish raw. I was introduced to japan by the book "The Way Of The Zen", reading about it i came to understand the Zen mind. The bare minimum requirement is a "still" mind which is only achieved by long and conscious effort to tame your mind [every book says thats the toughest thing in the world and hence only a few do it]. But Hinduism and Zen differs post this first step. In our culture once you have achieved stillness of the mind you are expected/encouraged to be religious but in medieval Japan or China this was not the case. Once you achieved stillness of mind you could really do wonders for the society and hence people were free to use this concentration and discipline to achieve goodness in any and everything. Hence you find a lot of titles like "Zen and the art of motorcycle repair" or "Zen and Archery" "Zen Garden" "Zen Painting" etc etc .....

Anyways coming back to the movie Tom Cruise kills a Samurai Warrior in battle and the Samurai lord captures him alive and puts him in captivity to learn the ways of the western warfare [guns and cannons]. Samurai lord puts him in the house of his sister whose husband was killed in battle by Tom Cruise. The way this subplot in the movie is handled really touches my soul. Ofcourse the lady of the house develops a soft corner for this foreigner [movie hai bhai]. But the way this is done totally nails it. There is no romance, but admiration and respect. As a storyteller i am interested in the way romance is tackled on celluloid.

The movie does well to exclude any moment of physical intimacy and that is why it is so great. At emotional level we have all experienced the feeling to extreme care and love for someone and that often is a driving force towards physical intimacy. This might not have a romantic tinge to it, for various reasons. This is the trickiest of all situations and I do intend to touch upon this subject in some of my films. 

Here is a plot . Say, there is lot of affection for a friend, this relationship has reached it's zenith.  Few Subplots will follow this plot line. It has either got to get romantic from here or it will decay. The last sentence has been used and abused by bollywood, the classic tale of best friends becoming soulmates. BUT, say you don't want this person as ur romantic half, for whatever reason, but you don't want the relationship to decay! Subplot 1 : Guy proposes[ i m a guy so my pov], girl disposes, reason "he doesn't, love me, it is just a momentary weakness, i know him well enough for it", here the relationship will fizzle out, because nobody accepts refusal, this subplot can further go on if the girl later sees this decaying and wants the guy back and hence "the three words". But the guy won't agree now, one because of his ego and second because he had long accepted the fate of this relationship and so now this has come too little too late. I hope the same story repeats when the genders are exchanged, meaning the girl uses "the three words" first and the guy denies it. Well ofcourse, different genders will react differently to the refusal.

Subplot 2: Both know this is as far as a platonic relationship will go and hence they need to up the ante, but both are mature enough to understand that the first line of action [forcing love on the other person] will not work. The only other option is a "friends for benefit"scenario but here it becomes tricky too .....how to go about it in a way that nobody gets hurt emotionally, most people will either come out of it as a pervert or easy, depending upon who makes the first move. The easiest scenario is to get drunk and let it happen. But what after this.

Subplot 2a) It can't be a one-time thing, can it truly be no strings attached ? If they haven't put a "label" on it some miscommunication will result vis a vis the possibility of any romantic interest for a 3rd party. This will result in jealousy and heart burn. Hence there will come a time when you will have to nudge yourself to fall in love or it will end, and this time with lot of heart burn and feelings of betrayal. This is the classic case of whoever blinks first loses.  

Subplot 2b) It's not a one time thing but both sides know the traps of 2a and hence they agree to discuss about it. I think this is only possible between same sex couples because a girl will expect the guy to understand it without her having to speak anything on this subject, in most cases she would prefer not to even acknowledge the sex thing in the morning, but that won't work beyond 2-3 times. The guy would want to talk everything about it so that the girl doesn't get any wrong picture and this will be a possible doom, if he does it after the first time.  Even if they do it, the choice of words will make or break the relationship and i m sure lot of people would have been in this scenario. 

So talking about it is too risky. 

2c) The only possible scenario in which this will end happy is either they both genuinely understand that they want each other badly enough and this is what love is [mast filmy happily ever after]. A popular movie plot line example "Friends for Benefit"

2d) The physical distance between them increases, may be a change of city or country, in this way they won't actively witness a third party entering their lives, and, can continue their affection whenever they meet [which will be too infrequent to discuss about] but here too, even if they romantically see a third person the chemistry between the two should remain the same, else it will end. This arrangement can cause some problem if the girl lets her "socially conditioned" mind question the sanctity of sleeping with two guys, loving one and liking the other....

Plot 3: They are in a platonic relationship and refuse to take it further, risking the decay, one person marries or falls for a 3rd person. But since there was no closure in the earlier case it will be an emotional roller-coaster [hum dil de chukay sanam] or the famous plot line of Gunaho k Devta [the most sold hindi novel].

The best thing would be to realize the truth "everything that has a beginning, has an end Neo" but then you won't have a story !!!! 

To tackle all the plot lines together can be achieved in the dramatic premise similar to "he is not that into you" 4 couples etc etc ..... don't know when ...but some day i will tackle this subject.

P.S. I don't proof read before posting a blog, you don't proof read your diary right!... So don't judge me on the form but on the content. 

Filmy Holi

I m high on Holi, always have, always will be. The best holi is ofcourse played in Bihar, or may be i see it that way because i was a kid growing up there. I was allowed to throw colors on strangers (i wasn’t a stranger to them though, it was a small place and everyone knew everybody else). The special festival delicacy is “pua” and with mutton is the best dish out there (may be a close second to satu-paratha with mutton). 

Anyways on this holika dahan i drove up to Pitobash,s apartment and we flagged off our next movie and put words on paper, while returning from his house at around 2am, i clicked few holika’s and drove back home. The day prior to this i had offer from two people to start a company with them. It,s such a disgrace, people want to start a company without first knowing what is exactly their vision for one or where do they want to take it, what will it do. The answers are same, we will do whatever we can lay our hands on, Corporate AVs, TVCs, Films, Music Videos etc etc......anyways unko gyan nahi diya. 

Next day i woke up to a call from Pooja di (a senior in my 5th grade, now married and a mother) to drop-by home, slept again woke up at 12.30 to a call from friends who wanted me at Yari Road asap. We went inside a filmy gathering organized by Zoom TV. The atmosphere was electric, to say the least, almost 50% guys there we topless (all of the modeling variety), girls were dressed for occasion. The gathering was electrified by white wine (my only alcoholic drink) and some kick ass music. Dolly Bindra and Mahajan took double meaning to new heights. Ofcourse everyone kind of knew everyone else so we kept bumping into ppl. I met Vinod Bachan (producer Zila Gaziabad) and he wanted to know what i was doing next [we didn’t meet after i walked out of Zila] he was with some actress. Few TV actors and actresses later, the artificial rain began. Now i m a sucker for rain, i m the guy who took his bike out whenever it rained in Delhi (it is impossible to repeat it in Mumbai). Needless to say i jumped on d floor. Some girl flirted thoda sa; asking if my locks were real (i asked her to see it for herself, she touched my locks) thoda sa aur casual flirt later the rain stopped. I walked at the edge of the venue to see the sea, hoards of commoners playing Holi at Versova beach.... I have to say this, “i will always be a commoner at heart, even there, admist all the glitter i wanted to jump that wall and play holi there”, i think i m a sucker for middle class things !!! 

Anyways, danced the entire afternoon, put strangers in mud, took photographs. Last 30 minutes were super intense with artificial rain pouring cats and dog, finally it was over. The entire street was packed by vehicles getting out of the venue, I enjoyed my moment under the sun, with curls like mine i was walking undertaker (the WWF wrestler) and Everyone turned and looked till i entered my car and zoomed away. 

Evening was spent with Arunaab whose video (the spoof of MTV Roadies) has gone viral and he is flooded by calls from MTV, V, UTV Bindas and the likes.... We shared lunch, evening tea plus 8pm coffee (neither of us drink). We did talk a lot about future planning for his firm and where he wants to take it, the challenges outsiders face here and how Anurag, Imtiaz and Tigmanshu have tackled it. Finally it was time to go home.

What good would a Holi be if it didn’t end with a romantic dinner, so, had dinner, went to this new, unfurnished flat and called it a night early, she had office the next morning.   

P.S. As a result of me getting drenched my phone is gone so are the photographs....

2012

For me each year gets better than the last so has been the story of my life post 2008. 2009 i was in LA, long had i wanted to had my passport stamped and how !!! 2010 i did manage to direct my first feature length film and boy 2011 released it. 2012 is here and i am excited. I am happy, I like that women in The Network (Director Sidney Lumet), when my professional life is good i am feeling great. So 2011 was great ofcourse it had its low points but you don't remember the mundane stuff. 2011 was the year i was mentioned in national newpapers. As a boy preparing for IIT that was one of the dreams. 2012 is the time i want to roll in money and no i m not selling out. I wont compromise on my work. I just have to Direct 6 TVCs thats all or earn 30 lakhs (minus taxes) whatever happens. Along the way i have to Direct my 6 short films finish a screenplay and HOPEFULLY a novel that is inside me. Plus this will be the year when i will start my 2nd movie No Love Lost. This is a minimum wishlist for 2012.

So start a movie
30 lakhs and or 6 TVCs
Finish all pending work vis a vis short films.   

The week that was

Dear Diary 

This was a great week. On this Friday my first film released. Dear god thanks for the opportunity. I know of people more connected, more talented, more networked and with better credentials haven't made a film and released it. So thank you god. Was i nervous ? not really? Everyone kept saying this was ur day and blah blah and i felt no butterflies in my stomach. Just when i was in the queue for collecting the tickets it hit me, like dope hits u zooppppp. i must admit i saw the film with a fresh eye because i saw it after a long gap. I saw the flow, the flaws and the tempo ...it was a good effort. I saw what worked and i saw what didn't. I am just relieved to know that i have the gift of storytelling, i didn't see the story slacking anywhere, it was gripping and hence atleast the storytelling was good. Lot of things were mediocre and have made a note of that. 

Also on monday my heart wanted to go against conventional wisdom and suddenly i checked d phone and it hit me. The conventional wisdom is there for a reason. It is no short of a miracle that i thought about checking d phone, just in time. Thank you my guardian angel for silently guiding me. Last time u made me bump into someone at the right time, thank you for that too.

What makes a strong fictional character

Dear Writer Self

No character is good/bad, it is their need that makes them good or bad. That need depends or self image, social conditioning, insecurities and intellect, in that order.

When a character is not comfortable about who he/she is or not comfortable about the past, or public opinion, it is largely a matter of self image. Everyone has done stuff they are not very proud of, it is how you deal with it that makes you who you are. I am as conventional thinking as  it gets but i m also as considerate as u will find. Depends really on what is your opinion about yourself. Only when you admit the duality of man (jungian theory) and are comfortable by it are u emotionally secure. 

As a rule of thumb in character study never believe a character that says “ I m like so and so ...” always believe what you see. This fact is used in so many books/movies and novels. People try to mar your judgement by intellectualizing their choices.

Also as a rule the character that lies is needy, that is all their is to it. It doesn’t make a person good or bad. A habitual lier is but awfully needy and as a companion you should run away.  Also if you are emotionally aware you get a feeling when someone lies, trust it, everyone lies. Only yesterday i heard two, one by a female friend and another by my mom. How am i so sure well i am in a profession that lies, all films are lies really , do i call bluff all the time ..no not really but yeah when i do call a bluff I know what i am talking about. 

Most kids/ dumb ass blondes (both sexes) mix self image with i don’t give a fuck attitude. Everyone gives a fuck anyone who says otherwise is lying, everyone wants to be liked by everyone they can get, so quit faking it. High self image is being able to admit mistakes and walk past it while low self image is not admitting it or if obvious, covering it up , either by playing dumb or by telling the other person they dont give shit and/or by saying who cares !! I know because i was that guy once !   

On a side note the line "happy girls are prettiest" is true but then happiness can't be faked, not to yourself. Most people project that image. Being happy is a function of your self image. To inculcate good self image takes lot of work, effort and discipline

No Commitment

I have often told people i m not ur long term relationship guy, no dont get me wrong i m not ur one nighter either. I have heard that most guys are commitment phobic and most guys stray. Now i cant speak for everyone but myself. Lately i had my Satori moment ( a Zen term refering to a sudden flash of insight) with respect to why i m not into the idea of a long term relationship. I will use maths to explain my point of view because believe me, maths as a language is more economical and precise in any form of communication so here we go .....

Hapiness in any relationship, henceforth refered to H(x,t.....) is 

H(x,t...) = A(x,t....) - B(x,t......)

A is the hapiness we derive from the stuff we want from any relationship 

B is the discomfort we derive from the stuff we don’t want in a relationship

Clealy both are a function of time, physical distance between the two parties, their personal preferences.......

Mind you i m not accounting personal, social, religious beliefs because they change very slowly wrt time and in most cases are not an issue in an ongoing relationship. Also discount the windfall effect, sumthing that happens very suddenly, an accident, fatal loss in business......

For a guy the fuction A .... dimishes with increasing time .... We do need a lot of physical love and affection (mind u i aint saying sex, we need more than that) and that decreases with time both in terms of novelty and intent from the other side. The loss of intent is often termed as “taking for granted”. One sentence defines it all “hamain har cheese ki aadat par jaati hai”. 

The other most important thing for us is ....we want the women to cheer us, no matter how many times we fail we want the women in our lives to support us in mind and in spirit. For a man to be sucessful the women in his life has to believe more than him that he will be successful, I find this to be the rarest trait in the world. Also here is a clash of interest. A women has only a decade to choose her match, a guy who she will spend the rest of her life with, hence she cant wait for u to keep failing ...she has to abandon her ship and get to greener pastures. Thus this becomes the biggest bain in a romantic relationship, no matter who ur as a guy, a girl will always find sumone who atleast “appears” to be a better prospect. And no matter how hot a chic is, a guy will always find a chic more desirable than she is. In the second case (hotter chic) it is a bottomless cup really (my satori moment), a loop one can’t get out of ....no man has ever fucked enough women. The only way out is to not get in. If one women can’t satisfy you 50 cannot either. For a girl who 6 months in a relationship thinks her guy is a loser, is really a dumb ass. He was not a loser b4 u came to his life and now he is ...who is to blame ? It is my firm belief that a women who believes in a man and never waver in her belief will eventually turn the frog into a prince and hence become a princess herself! She doesnt have to push him, non verbal communication is the most powerful form (95% of all communication happen non-verbally). You have to believe it to see it, true for all great turnarounds in life, in personality and in sports !  

Thus my biggest hurdle is, I am too important to risk being demoralized seeing myself as a non achiever in some dumb ass blonde’s eyes. I would rather have no influence than bad influence. I know who i m and anyone else who thinks there is a better guy out there need to go into that guy’s life.

B is mostly the girlie stuff we hate....all of them increasing with time. 

Thus, there will be a time when H is negative and consistently negative for months, a relationship that dwells there, is bound to end. So it is in the interest of both parties to keep H positive and while increasing A might not always be feasible, keeping B in check is always an option for both the parties. We know the stuff the other person hates right ? So just dont do it , if u care enuf or else ...buzz off !

My problem with a long term relationship is the underlined excerpt, primarily. I ain’t putting my future at risk for companionship. I would rather be alone than have a chic who will neg me for a “better” sumone else. 

Second, I do believe women are a distraction, they need too much time and attention. I dont mind talking on a daily basis but that can’t be forced. There is more to my life than making a girl feel good about herself every evening. Most chics have that as their number one priority, evening dinners, drives, movies, clubbing, phone chat... all are feel-good activities. I love to do it but only when i m not PROFESSIONALLY busy. When i am professionally busy, shut the fuck up! There is more to my life than feeling good.

As a yogic literature put it “bhojan, needra aur maithun(sex) to ek kuttay ko bhi prapt ho jaata hai”. I do believe my life has a bigger purpose. Only those who believe the same, for my life and their life, are welcome in my world. I put my professional life ahead of my personal life, always have, always will. Unless i fulfill my professional goal there is no way in heaven that i will work for personal goals!    

P.S. The tense might be all over the place, excuse me for lack of punctuation and long complex sentences.