Filmi Chakkar

2012

2012-01-05T00:23:00.000-08:00

For me each year gets better than the last so has been the story of my life post 2008. 2009 i was in LA, long had i wanted to had my passport stamped and how !!! 2010 i did manage to direct my first feature length film and boy 2011 released it. 2012 is here and i am excited. I am happy, I like that women in The Network (Director Sidney Lumet), when my professional life is good i am feeling great. So 2011 was great ofcourse it had its low points but you don't remember the mundane stuff. 2011 was the year i was mentioned in national newpapers. As a boy preparing for IIT that was one of the dreams. 2012 is the time i want to roll in money and no i m not selling out. I wont compromise on my work. I just have to Direct 6 TVCs thats all or earn 30 lakhs (minus taxes) whatever happens. Along the way i have to Direct my 6 short films finish a screenplay and HOPEFULLY a novel that is inside me. Plus this will be the year when i will start my 2nd movie No Love Lost. This is a minimum wishlist for 2012.

So start a movie
30 lakhs and or 6 TVCs
Finish all pending work vis a vis short films.

The week that was

2011-12-19T05:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary

This was a great week. On this Friday my first film released. Dear god thanks for the opportunity. I know of people more connected, more talented, more networked and with better credentials haven't made a film and released it. So thank you god. Was i nervous ? not really? Everyone kept saying this was ur day and blah blah and i felt no butterflies in my stomach. Just when i was in the queue for collecting the tickets it hit me, like dope hits u zooppppp. i must admit i saw the film with a fresh eye because i saw it after a long gap. I saw the flow, the flaws and the tempo ...it was a good effort. I saw what worked and i saw what didn't. I am just relieved to know that i have the gift of storytelling, i didn't see the story slacking anywhere, it was gripping and hence atleast the storytelling was good. Lot of things were mediocre and have made a note of that.

Also on monday my heart wanted to go against conventional wisdom and suddenly i checked d phone and it hit me. The conventional wisdom is there for a reason. It is no short of a miracle that i thought about checking d phone, just in time. Thank you my guardian angel for silently guiding me. Last time u made me bump into someone at the right time, thank you for that too.

What makes a strong fictional character

2011-10-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Writer Self

No character is good/bad, it is their need that makes them good or bad. That need depends or self image, social conditioning, insecurities and intellect, in that order.

When a character is not comfortable about who he/she is or not comfortable about the past, or public opinion, it is largely a matter of self image. Everyone has done stuff they are not very proud of, it is how you deal with it that makes you who you are. I am as conventional thinking as it gets but i m also as considerate as u will find. Depends really on what is your opinion about yourself. Only when you admit the duality of man (jungian theory) and are comfortable by it are u emotionally secure.

As a rule of thumb in character study never believe a character that says “ I m like so and so ...” always believe what you see. This fact is used in so many books/movies and novels. People try to mar your judgement by intellectualizing their choices.

Also as a rule the character that lies is needy, that is all their is to it. It doesn’t make a person good or bad. A habitual lier is but awfully needy and as a companion you should run away. Also if you are emotionally aware you get a feeling when someone lies, trust it, everyone lies. Only yesterday i heard two, one by a female friend and another by my mom. How am i so sure well i am in a profession that lies, all films are lies really , do i call bluff all the time ..no not really but yeah when i do call a bluff I know what i am talking about.

Most kids/ dumb ass blondes (both sexes) mix self image with i don’t give a fuck attitude. Everyone gives a fuck anyone who says otherwise is lying, everyone wants to be liked by everyone they can get, so quit faking it. High self image is being able to admit mistakes and walk past it while low self image is not admitting it or if obvious, covering it up , either by playing dumb or by telling the other person they dont give shit and/or by saying who cares !! I know because i was that guy once !

On a side note the line "happy girls are prettiest" is true but then happiness can't be faked, not to yourself. Most people project that image. Being happy is a function of your self image. To inculcate good self image takes lot of work, effort and discipline

No Commitment

2011-06-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

I have often told people i m not ur long term relationship guy, no dont get me wrong i m not ur one nighter either. I have heard that most guys are commitment phobic and most guys stray. Now i cant speak for everyone but myself. Lately i had my Satori moment ( a Zen term refering to a sudden flash of insight) with respect to why i m not into the idea of a long term relationship. I will use maths to explain my point of view because believe me, maths as a language is more economical and precise in any form of communication so here we go .....

Hapiness in any relationship, henceforth refered to H(x,t.....) is

H(x,t...) = A(x,t....) - B(x,t......)

A is the hapiness we derive from the stuff we want from any relationship

B is the discomfort we derive from the stuff we don’t want in a relationship

Clealy both are a function of time, physical distance between the two parties, their personal preferences.......

Mind you i m not accounting personal, social, religious beliefs because they change very slowly wrt time and in most cases are not an issue in an ongoing relationship. Also discount the windfall effect, sumthing that happens very suddenly, an accident, fatal loss in business......

For a guy the fuction A .... dimishes with increasing time .... We do need a lot of physical love and affection (mind u i aint saying sex, we need more than that) and that decreases with time both in terms of novelty and intent from the other side. The loss of intent is often termed as “taking for granted”. One sentence defines it all “hamain har cheese ki aadat par jaati hai”.

The other most important thing for us is ....we want the women to cheer us, no matter how many times we fail we want the women in our lives to support us in mind and in spirit. For a man to be sucessful the women in his life has to believe more than him that he will be successful, I find this to be the rarest trait in the world. Also here is a clash of interest. A women has only a decade to choose her match, a guy who she will spend the rest of her life with, hence she cant wait for u to keep failing ...she has to abandon her ship and get to greener pastures. Thus this becomes the biggest bain in a romantic relationship, no matter who ur as a guy, a girl will always find sumone who atleast “appears” to be a better prospect. And no matter how hot a chic is, a guy will always find a chic more desirable than she is. In the second case (hotter chic) it is a bottomless cup really (my satori moment), a loop one can’t get out of ....no man has ever fucked enough women. The only way out is to not get in. If one women can’t satisfy you 50 cannot either. For a girl who 6 months in a relationship thinks her guy is a loser, is really a dumb ass. He was not a loser b4 u came to his life and now he is ...who is to blame ? It is my firm belief that a women who believes in a man and never waver in her belief will eventually turn the frog into a prince and hence become a princess herself! She doesnt have to push him, non verbal communication is the most powerful form (95% of all communication happen non-verbally). You have to believe it to see it, true for all great turnarounds in life, in personality and in sports !

Thus my biggest hurdle is, I am too important to risk being demoralized seeing myself as a non achiever in some dumb ass blonde’s eyes. I would rather have no influence than bad influence. I know who i m and anyone else who thinks there is a better guy out there need to go into that guy’s life.

B is mostly the girlie stuff we hate....all of them increasing with time.

Thus, there will be a time when H is negative and consistently negative for months, a relationship that dwells there, is bound to end. So it is in the interest of both parties to keep H positive and while increasing A might not always be feasible, keeping B in check is always an option for both the parties. We know the stuff the other person hates right ? So just dont do it , if u care enuf or else ...buzz off !

My problem with a long term relationship is the underlined excerpt, primarily. I ain’t putting my future at risk for companionship. I would rather be alone than have a chic who will neg me for a “better” sumone else.

Second, I do believe women are a distraction, they need too much time and attention. I dont mind talking on a daily basis but that can’t be forced. There is more to my life than making a girl feel good about herself every evening. Most chics have that as their number one priority, evening dinners, drives, movies, clubbing, phone chat... all are feel-good activities. I love to do it but only when i m not PROFESSIONALLY busy. When i am professionally busy, shut the fuck up! There is more to my life than feeling good.

As a yogic literature put it “bhojan, needra aur maithun(sex) to ek kuttay ko bhi prapt ho jaata hai”. I do believe my life has a bigger purpose. Only those who believe the same, for my life and their life, are welcome in my world. I put my professional life ahead of my personal life, always have, always will. Unless i fulfill my professional goal there is no way in heaven that i will work for personal goals!

P.S. The tense might be all over the place, excuse me for lack of punctuation and long complex sentences.

My First Number Close

2011-03-27T11:58:00.000-07:00

O, by the way, this is not the first time i have exchanged number meeting a women 4 d first time but this is the first time i have done it knowing that this is my aim even before saying hello. Not that it means anything, i m not going to call her anyways, it just feels good to know u can get a number when you want to (in most cases) !

We were sitting in the office of a now-famous producer (Tanu weds Manu) and this reality TV actress walkes in.

Rewind.......

Anand, director of the film, calls the wanna be actresses in the evening, after talking business (meaning if we can fit her anywhere), we are done for the day. The onus is on me to casually flirt with the actresses and everyone has a great time, the oldies have a great time just observing, they know they have crossed the age. This is what it is, harmless flirt, i want to keep it that way. It’s just good humour.

So Anand tells me about this reality TV star (some splitsvilla winner) who is bugging him with phone calls and he doesn’t want to meet her outside the office because she comes with a reputation(I don’t see reality TV, have no creative regards for people involved, as for the girls, I have no opinion, my opinions r 4 people i care!!). So he tells us to wash our faces, she is on her way, i tell the writer Vinay i will let him walk away with this chic (i am lying ofcourse but he doesn’t know it). I have to go to a stationery shop for supplies and return to see this overtly made up, very average looking chic sitting in glamorous clothes. I m like, “watever” (my current girl friend walked for Tarun Tehlani n is very intelligent, so who cares!!!)....but ab flirt to karna hi hai, kya kiya jai, performance pressure jo hai!

When i walk in, she looks at me, i faintly smile and look beyond. 15 minutes later they have all ran out of topics and it’s time for me to spice things up. As far as she is concerned i m just another guy, she thinks i m an AD and hence not the one who is useful, so she doesn’t care if i exist. I like it that way, makes it challenging, this is how it starts....

Anand: Arre iss film main chhote say role k liye log kaha kaha say aa rahe hai, abhi kal hi ek banda aaya tha canada say seedha aur bola ki he wants a role any duration, he sang that abhishek bachan song bluffmaster.

Nikhil: Aur yeah kaha say aayi hai ?

Anand : (huge laughter) Oshiwara

Nikhil : (teasingly) Next....

Girl (smiles too).....blah blah blah blah to anand n vinay

to Nikhil : What sunshine r u

Nikhil: Cancer

Girl : Really ? They are supposed to be quite.

Nikhil: Correction , either very quite or the most talkative in the group, depending on the mood ..ur?

Girl: Leo

Nikhil (smile) (looking at Anand)We r not getting along

Girl : No, why not? my ex boyfriend was a cancerian

Anand: (teasing) Kya hint de rahi hai ?

Nikhil : Isi liye ex hai, current nahi ?

ha ha ha ha ha...............

Girl : [Talks about her ex-boyfriend ......blah blah ..about her roomate to Anand i stand up from the seat go to the kitchen, the writer takes my seat ....] We are moving out of my flat. Me and Garima(hot roommate) are planning a house party, i will invite you.

Anand: [Doesn’t know what to say ....]

I m standing in an aloof corner sipping my green tea, i smile at the blatant hint, is this an invite to a threesome? Thinking “Thats the problem with being a gold digger, u dig it and wonder where is the gold, it’s lost to the competetion, but these dumb asses do not have the wisdom to locate a new mine....”

But then everyone is trying to win the race so you do what you think will take you forward, fine by me , watever!!!!

She asks me to hand her handbag which is lying where i am standing [:X] she clearly does this to subconciously get even for all the leg pulling i have done and show me that she doesn’t care who i m .......

Nikhil : wow .....really ?

Girl: Do u have a problem ?

Nikhil : (smiling)That will be 5000 bucks

Girl : taken aback, lost for words

Nikhil (Smiling): Yeah i am high maintanence....

[This is the only time i have done badly, instead of 5000 i had to say “carry ur handbag only if ur buying a coffee or a date .. but then i m learning]

.....................................................blah blah ................................................................

ANALYSIS TIME

I have played well, we have broken the ice.

Step 1: She started the conversation, i just sat next to her, without looking at her, talked to everybody else.

Step 2: Neg neg (we won’t get along, where has she come from ?)....to disqualify myself as a guy who is hitting on her. So i have got few indicators of interest but she immediately steers her concious brain to Anand, she is here for work !! So Step 3 has to be displaying higher value without hitting on her .....

So i start a conversation with Anand (I am so proud of all this because i didn’t try to do everything conciously, it happened and that means i m getting better at this) about an incident that happened when we were shooting Jugaad and i told him how that interaction gave me clarity and vision for a career choice. Anand loses no time telling her i m an iitian and she gives this loud shock ...Really !!!! Vinay says “he chukked job of 3 lakhs”

Nikhil (to vinay): IIT ka naam kaafi hai ....salary batana nahi padta ....

(to the girl): What can i say, got lucky in the gene pool!!!

Anand: He has also directed his feature length film (and i m like YES, this is relevant info, clearly she knows she has started on the wrong foot)

Girl: (To me) : O who acted in it?

Nikhil : Blah blah ...

Girl : When is it releasing ?

Nikhil: Yaar mere haath main hota to kal hi release kar deta ...we r showing it to distributors...ab producers bhi naye hai to thoda time lagta hai na, for people to take u seriously .......

Time to punish her for the handbag thing...

Nikhil (continued) : ab think about it, u walked in the office u didn’t care who i was, u know , fine, not ur fault , thats being human (didn’t put her on a spot but she knew it has not gone well, AND IT HASN’T, I did mind!!!) ......

Girl: She is shocked, doesn’t know what to say !!!!

Anand noticing that we have been chattign amongst ourselves for 5 minutes

Anand : Ab to tu number le le

Nikhil: (pulls out a newspaper and a pen): a ten digit number beginning with 9

Girl: (smiles) puts her number

Vinay : Ye ladka bahut aage jaiga

Nikhil: (Smiles)...aisa sab log kehte hai

everyone laughs

....................................................blah blah blah blah..................................................

Conversation on Malika Sherawat

Nikhil: I m a huge fan

Girl (shocked) what?

Nikhil: Yeah, for a married women to have a dream that strong and actually make it, she has a lot of guts and i m such a huge fan !!!

I love Malika Sherawat for what she represents and wanted this girl who is famous in the circle for similar reasons. So we chat about Malika Sherawat for the next few minutes and then

Nikhil: My time is up, it’s 8pm already

Anand: haan chala ja tujhe time lagega.

I leave the office, shake her hand, thats it don’t say anything like keep in touch or whatever....

I go to a stationary shop take my copy of the screenplay and i m returning to my parked car, eminem playing in my IPOD. This car stops and i see the same girl in a Santro (i guess), she left after i did !

Girl: Where r u going ?

Nikhil: O no i have a car but thanks for the offer, appreciate it (smilinggggg)

So is she ..........

This is the area i erred, i got this god sent chance and had to capitalise on it, should have sat in her car and taken her to Marriot for making me carry her bag and then ask her to drop me to the same place and shown her my car, which by the way is a slick looking impressive machine [jo arth(materialism) ki bhasha samjhte hai unhay adhyatm (spirituality) nahi samjhana chahiye]

But then everything in hindsight makes perfect sense!

I still have lot of room to improve in the ACT 1 of the approach ...ACT 2, 1st Date k baad start hota hai ....but by the time this movie is over i wil have cleared the 2nd hurdle of going on an “instant” date with someone.

The Book that changed my life

2011-03-13T12:11:00.001-07:00

To quote the author “ I always hated the idea that sex is something a women gives, to me it is something a women shares”. Probably for the first time someone echoed my sentiments. I was always proud of myself for not acting on certain very blatant advances. But i wouldn’t bring it out in open to my friends because they would just not understand the psyche. I would argue “i was underwhelmed (physical beauty wise) or it just didn’t feel right (in case of a friend’s sister)” only to be mocked. Slowly i was beginning to question whether it was the inertia getting in the way or was i just kidding myself. Reading the book answered the question for me. In few cases, i didn’t want to share the privilege and in few others the women didn’t want to. When you talk about it to people (in your hostel) you will hear about stories of how you have to be direct (someone met a horny women and set a bad precedent). True some kind of audacity helps you to blast the last moment resistance but then most people take it too far.

All the guys out there who come up with the direct approach [like shaking hands with a girl at a party with that specific scratch of the hands or mailing her on a tuesday morning asking her if you should book a hotel room] should be shown the harvard lecture. This psycho prof ran an experiment where 90% guys agreed to sleep with a good looking stranger and only 3% women agreed. Anyone who uses the direct approach should be shown this harvard lecture. Recently i was hanging out with a senior of mine who is a Investment Banker in the making and was in NY where he met this Indian Girl and they made out the first day they met and even in this case he crashed and burn on the final frontier. I prodded him to know what happened and it was so funny how he blew it and he had no clue what happened. Thanks to this book (no i am not sharing the name) i told him the evolutionary hardwire that prevents women to go all the way and also why no matter who you are as a guy you will always feel under confident approaching a women of beauty,it’s your brain fucking you. In my opinion it is because of this that men really have to kill a demon inside them to approach a women they really want to approach. Often a time they take it too far.

I will end it with this “there are no ugly women in the world just lazy ones” similarly “there are no assholes “just men who want women but have no idea how to go about it” and “you don’t chose women, they chose you, you can only give them the opportunity of knowing you”. Also in this book is another gem of a quote for all the guys out there who have no clue why women are not as forthcoming as they are sexually “women like to have sex as much anybody else they don’t want to be taken advantage of or treated like a slut”. These are not my personal opinion it comes from the world’s foremost pickup artist, people who are very average looking and of modest backgrounds and have picked up some very famous names (britney spears, paris hilton). It might sound cliched (i can vouch for it though) but everyone will meet women (notice the plural) who will want to SHARE it with you.

2010...One of the best ever

2010-12-31T17:50:00.000-08:00

Okies when have i felt so good about an year . 2003 ...because i cleared JEE, but it was expected, didn't really come as a surprise or a twist. On the contrary I was bit sad about the Rank. 2007, well we won the BRCA trophy and managed to get my B.Tech without extending my degree, thanks largely to Mailinie Johar (hopefully i have spelt it right) without whom i don't know if i would have cleared my final year, it takes lot of motivation in your final semester. Luckily she always kept up the heat and that is all i needed. The final year had it's share of failures too and well they teach you more than success don't they ? So yeah learned a little bit about myself. It probably was coming of age year for me. The lessons were delivered in a package that will not be forgiven or forgotten.

Coming back to 2010. I don't remember what i was doing on 31st of last year , no i didn't make any new year resolution. I remember i was back from L.A and probably pitching for Time Nahin hai and till march nothing happened. In the meantime i attended the first wedding of my life. Well that was an experience, i am not too keen on attending weddings anymore the romance in the air kindda gets to you i guess, or is it just me ? Well cut a long story short , till July of 2010 it was one bad news after another. I guess my life did take a turn on my last b,day. It was a jolt i guess, did shake me up a little bit and luck changed. Started my first film on 14th august wrapped the shooting on 4th. Fell out of love and into it and out again and into it and out again, in short 'glad to be single' !! Uff m i exaggerating ? were they flings or infatuation, who cares!!!

I hope and i wish 2011 is as good as 2010, it was a roller-coaster ride, it was bitter sweet and i like it that way especially if both the emotions were that extreme. I now firmly believe whatever happens happens for the good and it couldn't have happened any other way. Anyways as on 1st Jan 2011 this is all i have to say " It is 7am in the morning, i m watching this crime - comedy and i love it, just cooked a perfect chai for me and while sipping it at the balcony, i look at the beautiful morning and the hills infront and this is all i say LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL......... "

The song for the year is " दुनिया सजी तेरे लिए, खुद को ज़रा पहचान तू ..........

When in doubt, trust your instinct

2010-10-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

They say 95% of all communication happens non-verbally. Blink is a book that really brought the whole idea of trusting your instinct to the mainstream. All it says is that we instinctively judge people when we meet them, the body reads micro expressions. For example when you see a beautiful girl/boy you instinctively have your eyes flashing because you want to see them more closely and hence your eyes open more than it’s usual self to let more light come in. You could always tell when someone looked at you and you knew it was not just a casual glance, you knew you were looking good! The book had an entire chapter on facial muscles and how they function in order to non-verbally communicate what the other person is not telling you. After reading this book I got all the more convinced that there is an inner voice that tells you all along to fight or flight. This voice has since centuries been a guiding light. Only the modern day has made us ignore this voice. The reference to this inner voice is found in many other genres too. While casually reading about hypnosis or some other meta physics books you hear about this voice. Ofcourse the Yogic literature will call it the antaraatma ki aawaaz, one book by a psychic referred to it as the voice of the guardian angel. Let these guys fight over what to call it. For me it is your first instinct. So the first time you meet a person or an event unfolds you immediately form an opinion. Only later we try to rationalize that opinion or change it based on newer facts. Mostly these newer facts are verbal communication either by the party or by others and herein lies the catch, verbal communication can easily be a lie/manipulation. While some people master the art of lying and become good at it some of the tactics employed are (these are all verbal communication).

1:) Rhetoric: They repeat a lie so many times it becomes a fact. Mostly employed by the media or car salesman or people who are naturally inclined to be communicators or people who are propaganda machines. You shouldn’t have trouble spotting them. Just hear them rattling about people they don’t like, gosh, they won’t stop. It has become such a second nature to them that they sound like a used car salesman.

2:) Half Truth: People who are master editors, these guys will edit out what they think you shouldn’t hear. We all do it. Hence the saying “there are three sides to a story, my side, his side and the right side”. This is a tough one to spot because of lack of information. The way to overcome this problem is to ask as many questions as you can. It makes them uncomfortable and often you hear them complain that you don’t trust them, or they don’t believe in clarifications or you don’t understand them and if the person is really skilled they fight your questions with tears!

There are other ways of lying, i ain’t the smartest kid around the block and this ain’t an article about detecting a lie. This ain’t a sermon or a post to tell you how skillful i am. All this built up is to narrate a small incident.

I am sitting in a birthday celebration with a bunch of guys and a girl. Everyone is being introduced to everyone else. The guys are all geeks, dressed shabbily. This is an after-dinner gathering in a famed hotel. The girl is two drinks down, little tipsy. The girl meets this one guy and says “i have seen you somewhere”. This was such a cliche that nobody uses it anymore, unless they genuinely mean it. The guy is as nerdy as a nerd can be. He says “i don’t think so, where”. I have my back to the girl she says “i don’t know but i think i have seen you many times, probably near my college or in a party”. Clearly this chap has no time to roam around in the iit campus let alone some other place. everybody else starts teasing him, the chap has no idea what is going on. the girl says it the third time “no i have really seen you somewhere”. During this entire conversation i have my back to the girl so all I heard was the voiceover. The third time around this inner voice told me it was a flirt for sure. Now whether it was flirting or a genuine query i will never know but then the first instinct told me it was a flirt and I believed it, didn’t ask anyone because that might be a noise in the data, who wants a verbal opinion. Well the topic was lost in other conversation. The guy was not smart enough or in the mood to flirt or whatever, but he didn’t play along. He should have prolonged the conversation, a filler bet may be, should have named a random girl and cooked up a story. May be she had seen him with this “random name” chic, anything to keep the conversation going. If the girl played along you know what it was. But alas reality is so boring they didn’t hit it off. I went home believing what I had to believe. So now i am thinking even if you don’t see, touch a person you can still instinctively tell what is going on. Probably there is an inner filter that reads voice modulation and tell you what it was. Evolution-wise this makes perfect sense you can sense a dangerous animal by it’s sound (larger the animal more base in it’s voice, generally speaking) and may be you can sense intention by just hearing a recording of a conversation. Anyone knows any book that has some research on the topic please let me know.

Also i will not be surprised if the tense in the above post is all over the place grammer was never my forte.

Beginning Of Post Production

2010-09-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

I wrapped up shooting on the 4th of Sept. Had an after-shoot bash at a pub in delhi, it is by far the best party i have attended. It was all about us. We all danced, it is so funny to see people dance like they do, in real life they have a different personality. Fazal, my associate, rocked the floor, Matty was his usual dancer self. However the show belonged to Ravi Sarin and my DP Sethu Sriram. These guys when drunk and on dance floor are awesome. I took a small break to say thank you and wish my luck to my lead actress, hadn't had a chance, she was with the second unit. She has truly been god's gift. Not only she is incredibly talented but she is also a great person, her performance was spot on and she blended well with the crew. So had to thank her. It is kindda emotional when you pack up your first film. It is like returning from the war zone with your buddies, limbs intact (when the producers are good) and you know life will take everyone to different directions so you need to say few things and that must be said. Returned to the floor and now the music was better, to my taste, so danced like crazy. Finally everyone left, Ravi Sarin had tears in his eyes when leaving, but i was the most emotional one, no i wasn't drunk and no tears in my eyes. I was just relaxed, happy and sad that the film shoot ended.

4th Sept evening. As i rolled the last shot of the film the making camera was rolling and it captured me saying PACK UPPPPPPPP.......it was hugs all around ....I thanked everyone in the team for being part of my film. Yes they get paid, yes they are subservient to a Director's wishes but for me they are not employees who i have helped hire. For me they are my partners in the creative quest for making our movie. Incidentally we became the first film unit to shoot in Red Fort at night, you don't get to shoot in any ASI monument after sunset. Also i worked hard at ensuring that my film set doesn't become a blame game spot as is so common on a film set. Thanked the crew and came home. The last 20 days had went by in a flash. Each day had it's own problems, the rains did play spoil sport but they also knew when to go away. My DP told me I am a lucky guy, especially with the rains.

It was me and Ashish hugging, together we have launched each other, it is beyond our wildest dreams. It has always been his idea, i did not have the audacity to think it was possible but he said it was, i trusted him like I have always done. So we had a quiet word, Thank you is a small word so nobody said it. I had to make sure that I did justice to the faith he had put in me as an actor and most important as a Producer. It is not his money but money borrowed from friends and relatives and that means it is a huge responsibility on me to do more than my best to make the film as well as I can. So that when I hand him the print of the film after Edit, Music, Sound Design and D.I. and say "Thank You, for the opportunity.........". He is proud of me for what i have done, until that day I guess I will always have nightmares about something going wrong at the shoot and wake up worried, as is happening to me every second day. One person I could not thank that day was Sarika, Ashish's wife. She had opened her house and heart for me. Staying at their place I never felt like I was away from home. A lady who ensures that, is a gem and is a mother figure for me. It has been Ashish's movie all along, he was my writing partner for this film, lead actor and the producer, more than that he was the guy who thought it was possible. It was his vision, I was merely the guy who ran with it. I highjacked the movie from him when we went on the floor and will hand it to him again after the edit and get out of the way. That will be my day to say Thank You, on the 4th was merely me thanking the Actor Ashish for being a part of my film and going through the emotional roller-coaster ride.

As i look back i remember the day when Manish, my E.P said he hadn't seen any film unit work as fast as we did the day we shot at Red Fort. Why am i hearing it ? It was not me who did it...it was Ads, the lightmen and the camera unit. I was not a factor but yes i was not a hindrance. So felt proud of the team we have got. I also remember the day we completed the last shot at the Dhingra's Farmhouse, man was i relieved! I will never be able to thank my producers enough for not talking to me about it. I was already aware of the difficulty they were facing. But to be fair to me i couldn't speed it up any more. I was squeezing my unit as much as I could. I am yet to thank Manav for taking me to Coffee and Dinner every night after shoot, it was hugely relaxing, to know your Producers have your back when you are on the floor.

I think the D.P plays a huge role in making the film, in a sense he becomes a partner in crime, he doesn't know the story and i don't know the visual so we help each other in the warzone often fighting, often arguing but we are both serving the story. As i have a responsibility to server my Producers and make the best film i can, it is his responsibility to give me, on film, what i have in my mind. To make matters worse even i am not always sure what i want, so he has to convince me against my wishes, sometimes, and give me what i want. He is smart enough to know that I will be a hindrance in that process, sometimes, but will thank him at the edit floor, I am thanking him already on the edit floor. I wish I could say the same for myself, that my producers will thank me when they screen the film that i have given them. What a day that will be when I will look Ashish in his eyes and say "It was your vision and it is my pleasure to give it you wayyyy better than you had imagined, if you are the guy who has the audacity to envision it I am the guy who can match that audacity by my delivery" Until the day i am able to say it I will be cranky, stressed and prone to nightmares.

But so far i have loved it, people have generally said good things about the promos and the way I have run my sets. I believe in 360 degree feedback, most of them good and some of them bad. I am working on the bad stuff after selecting what needs to be worked upon. No i will not treat actors shabbily on my sets no matter who they are and yes people in the crew who don't know how to do their jobs and don't learn it and to top it up they tell me they are answerable to higher authorities will always be treated as shit. When it is MY SET IT IS "MY" SET anyone who believes otherwise will see the worst side of me and man it is ugly!!!

I will also need to say thank you to Matty and it will be as elaborate as I have to say to Ashish, waiting for the right time.

Directing .........

2010-08-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Just off my shoot. A lot to work on. It is surprising to see so few people understand story. Thankfully I have a D.P. who listens to what i have to say , it helps that one of his close friend a big Tamil Film Director likes my script a lot and hence my D.P thinks highly of me.

Directed Mr Tom Alters today. Am I on cloud nine ? Yes absolutely!
Had a lot of conversation with him today, about Films, TV, Actors, Directors and stuff like that between takes and I am not the guy who hangs out with actors on my set. Thankfully we packed up early today and will watch Dailies today lets see how it looks.

1st Feature Length Film : Day 1 : With Love, Delhi!

2010-08-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys

Finally, it begins!

It feels like your life going in slow-motion, background noise blurred, as I walk home through the roads of Kalkaji an evening before Day 1. The team of A.Ds and P.As working day and night for a week to make it come to reality. I walk with a swagger, I can't fail, not because of my own failings, it is not about me any more. I am not me, I am more than me, many people have put their dreams in my hand. I have a moral responsibility towards my actors who are being launched, or whose reputation is at stake (Mr Tom Alter, Seema Biswasji and Mr. Kiran Kumar). I have a moral responsibility towards my producers who have gone through the grind to raise money. I have a moral responsibility towards my Executive Producer who is 120 films old, handles almost (80%) all Bollywood Films shot in Delhi and has agreed to work in my film because he thinks (his assistant tells me) we have a future. He says he has met too many people to distinguish between the glitter and the gold. He is working full time for a fraction of what he usually makes.

On Day 1 : I walk on the sets, the Cameraman (DOP) agrees to do a long handheld which is very difficult because he has to carry a heavy camera on his shoulders and walk. He does it, first thing in the morning, without suggesting me any modifications and he has shot "Wanted" and lot of other big names. The Sound and Light guys are all very co operative (it comes as a huge bonus that i speak Bangla). My Associate Director works for Ajay Devgan, has been an associate for Rohit Shetty and Mr Devgan. He is very cooperative and does whatever it takes to get things done. They treat me as a guy who knows his job. It doesn't feel larger than life at all, being a Director and all. Yes there are 60 - 70 people who will do whatever I ask them to but it doesn't feel larger than life. Luckily there were always more than 10 people who would do whatever i advised them to and that is what I do, I advise. When the actor and the actress do well in their shots it feels so good, every costume that makes them look better than who they are makes you so happy for them. Yes you love your actors, for when they click you feel like a proud parent. Yes i felt the same way when I directed Street Play for Rendezvous 2005. Felt the same connection today. It is the same connection that makes me so happy today.

Before today i wanted to make this film, to start my journey, but after today I start my journey again not to start my journey but to start the journey of my Lead Actor, Lead Actress, Assistants and P.As. I pray to god (and i don't normally do that) to give me the wisdom to make this film a success, not because I want to be successful (I don't need God for that I am capable myself) but because I want my Actors to be successful. I want every actor who works in my film to be proud of his work. They will not be proud unless I succeed. When you bring food on the table for your family you cannot come home empty handed.

I ended the day thanking everyone who chose to be a part of my film. Will do whatever it takes to gain their trust and respect. I was not born to be a Director I am born to be the Best Director there ever was and I am on that quest. Will be walking the path with the same gutso and enthusiasm with which i have walked on my quest to personal glory in colleges.

Couldn't talk to Mom and Dad, they were visiting NASA. Had a chat with my chacha and he was proud. He told me, my brother (i hate the word cousin) was representing West Zone (Mumbai, Maharastra, Gujrat, Swarastra, Goa) in Under 16 Cricket and is off to Mihali. So i m doubly happy.